Pervasive Working From Home has enabled me, with my own set of complexes, to better cope with a bunch of things that in the past have been very difficult to deal with – the Voice, and the frustration of being unable to process information.
Let’s talk about The Voice.
I have a loud booming voice. Anyone who has ever heard me talk knows that I can assert my will over an audience.
The Voice is a natural tool that I often use to dominate a meeting, exclude people from talking, and suck the air out of the room.
The Voice wasn’t always there. A lifetime of being in meetings and learning how to speak up trained the Voice to perfection.
But a funny thing happened – COVID.
At home, I can’t use the Voice. If you hear it once a week, it isn’t charming. But if you listen to it for 8 hours a day, it is infuriating.
So I have had to abandon the Voice.
But that then created a new realization, that in a class of meetings without the Voice, I can’t be heard.
Because OTHER people are using the Voice.
And so I sit in meetings and wonder how the hell do I get their attention?
Without the ability to control the conversation with the Voice, I have to use other tools.
But the fact that I had to use other tools made me realize how dominating the Voice is and how unbelievably exclusionary it is.
I sit in meetings, where I am being talked over and can’t get a word in edgewise.
And it made me appreciate how many times I was doing that to others.
And then because the meetings are over Zoom, folks who have private questions can ask them without feeling intimidated. And because the panels always have a digital trail, folks can still catch up with what happened.
And then it made me think about why did I develop the Voice? And the answer is that at some point in my career, to be a technical leader, you spoke up in a meeting. And that speaking up had to be done forcefully with a commanding manly presence. And so men who could talk about the commanding Voice tended to get promoted, and others did not.
If speaking up with a manly commanding voice is a requirement, then it’s inherently exclusive.
And so when I hear folks tell me – “Zoom is worse than in-person” – it makes me wonder? Is it worse for them because they have a manly commanding voice, or is it intrinsically worse?
Because my observation has been that it is – actually – better.
Coping with a world, you don’t understand
I can’t easily read people. I have a hard time understanding what they are thinking, and their body language is difficult to parse.
Furthermore, some things frustrate me, which is tied to how my brain works. I can’t sit still. I can’t give you my undivided attention for 2 hours without fiddling with something.
And then there is a whole slew of complexes that cause me to go to awful places. And because I can’t hide those wrong places, it had forced me to either learn to sublimate my emotions or explode when that was no longer possible when I was in person.
COVID has made it possible for me to function in this crazy world we live in because most meetings happen over Zoom.
I am not naturally disadvantaged in a meeting because of my inability to read the room. Folks can’t rely on their body language to convey displeasure. They have to voice it. Furthermore, they can express it in a variety of ways that can be non-threatening to themselves and me – written questions, private messages, etc.
And my conditioned reaction can now be managed more easily. Instead of having to control my feelings so I can get past my complexes and engage productively with people, I can give myself the time and space to do that through the magic of the mute button and the stop video button.
Me working through my complexes is very disruptive, and it’s about me, not the person who asked a question. They are good people asking legitimate questions. I am the one who has a lifetime of complexes I need to work through. And so having space where I can do it, without having to explain or control the reaction, is very helpful.
SO?
I’m beginning to think that COVID, by normalizing remote work, will be very disruptive to the nature of technical leadership.
What it is, how it works, and what we value will change radically.
Exciting times.
Leave a Reply